Report on Registration for the Seminar “Critical Thought Versus the Capitalist Hydra”
Zapatista Army for National Liberation
April 21, 2015
To the compas of the Sixth:
To the presumed attendees of the Seminar “Critical Thought Versus the Capitalist Hydra”:
We want to let you know that:
As of April 21, 2015, the number of people who have registered for the seminar “Critical Thought Versus the Capitalist Hydra” is approximately 1,074 men, women, others,[i] children, and elderly from Mexico and the world. Of this number:
558 people are adherents of the Sixth.
430 people are not adherents of the Sixth
82 people say they are from the free, autonomous, independent, alternative, or whatever-you-call-it media.
4 people are from the paid media (only one person from the paid media has been rejected, it was one of the three who were sponsored by the Chiapas state government to sully the name of the Zapatista compa professor Galeano and present his murderers as victims.)
Now then, we don’t know if among those 1,074 who have registered so far there might be a portion who have gotten confused and think that they have registered for Señorita Anahí’s wedding[ii] (apparently she’s marrying somebody from Chiapas, I’m not sure, but pay me no mind because here the world of politics and entertainment are easily confused… ah! There too? Didn’t I tell you?)
Anyway, I’m sharing the number of attendees because it’s many more than we had expected would attend the seminar/seedbed. Of course now that’s CIDECI’s problem, so… good luck!
What? Can people can still register? I think so, I’m not sure. When questioned by Los Tercios Compas, doctor Raymundo responded “no problem at all, in any case the number of people who will actually pay attention are far fewer.” Okay, okay, okay, he didn’t say that, but given the context he could have. What’s more, not even the doc knows how many people are going to come to CIDECI.
In any case, if you are engrossed by the high quality of the electoral campaigns and are reflecting profoundly on the crystal clear proposals of the various candidates, you should not waste your time on this critical thinking stuff.
Okay then, don’t forget your toothbrush, soap, and something to comb your hair.
From the concierge of the seminar/seedbed,
In search of the cat-dog,
Mexico, April 2015.
The Cat-Dog in the chat “Zapatista attention to the anti-zapatista client”:
(You are currently on hold, one of our advisors will be with you in a moment. If it takes awhile, it’s because we’re on pozol break.[iii] We thank you for your patience.)
“Hello? Can you hear me?”
“Ah yes hello, I would like to register.”
“Listen, are there still seats available?
“Ah okay, but listen, the thing is that I want a seat really close to the front, you understand?
“Hey listen, will there be a chance for a selfie, and autographs, and all that?
“Yes, listen, another question, in the registration process are you giving out some kind bonus, as they say?”
“What! This isn’t the registration for the Juan Gabriel concert?
“Damn! I knew it. I told the gang that if we didn’t hurry up we weren’t going to get a seat.”
“Alright listen, if there aren’t any seats left for Juan Gabriel, then give me one for Jaime Maussan.”
“What, no seats for Maussan either! Alright then, tell me where there are seats.”
“Oh really? So you guys are trying to be really postmodern huh? Very metaFukuyama and all that, right?
“Listen, let me recommend for the subject of postmodernism, José Alfredo Jiménez and his classic aphorism of “life isn’t worth a thing.” That is the real thing, not that nonsense of a nihilism of multi-colored condoms and feminine pads.
Well listen, let me tell you that what is really important is a cultured pragmatism. I mean, appropriately and pleasantly presented. For example, the Araña weaving inconfessable alliances, Meñique [Littlefinger] investing in various “scenarios,” the institutional left doubting whether it should be left or institutional, the Laura Bozzo of the vanguard of the proletariat pontificating, a lot of svelte nudes to remind you of cellulitis and stretch marks, Kirkman proposing fascism as the best option in times of crisis, Rick and Carol exactly like they are, Tyron exchanging Cercei for Khaleesi, the “investigative journalism” searching out who will do their work for them with the slogan “go ahead and denounce, we’ll see if we can get paid for printing it.” Yes, what Alejandría needs is less Latinos and African Americans, and more figures along the line of Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus. There, you see, even the fucking dragons changed political parties and the Starks are having trouble getting their party registered. And later Mance Rayder wanted to be all freedom-loving and all, and they killed him for not wanting to vote. Ah, but in the game of thrones that matters, what’s really worth something is on the island of Braavos. Seven Reigns be damned! Winter is coming and “The Iron Bank will get what belongs to it.”
“Anyway, I’d give more spoilers, but better not to. I’ll leave you in doubt, suffering…”
Hey listen, are you sure there aren’t any seats left? Not for Neil Diamond either? Sonora Santanera? Not even Arjona?
Hey listen I’m confused. Isn’t this where you register for shows and performances? You know, like the movies, theater, concerts, comic routines, electoral campaigns, Don Francisco, circuses with animals on the ticket [ballot], candidacies, reality shows, green advertising spots on Imax screens, “Stop suffering” propaganda charged to the public treasury, lose weight by jogging to the ballot box?
“I knew it!” Fucking Peñabots! They have to be promoting abstention. Don’t they understand they’re just playing to the right? Don’t they see the great advances of the progressive governments in the world? I’m sure that you are a renter or have a mortgage to pay, right. And here I am, with my own house, trying orient and guide you, and you all over there stuck in sadomasochism. I hope you get sick from that sandwich with salmonella! There you have your unlaic [unlike], your mute, your block, and your unfolou [unfollow]! So let’s see how you survive now eh!
(The user has gone offline. The chat session is over. End of transmission).
(sound of liquid being poured).
(voice stage left): Who spilled pozol agrio on the keyboard?! I told you not to let the cat-dog use the computer! Oh just wait until I find him, then he’ll see!
Woof! Meow! (and viceversa).
[i] The text uses “otroas” meaning “other,” to give a range of possible gendered pronouns including male, female, transgender and others.
[ii] Anahí is a Mexican singer/songwriter and actress engaged to marry Manuel Velasco Coello, governor of Chiapas.
[iii] Pozol is a drink made from ground maize mixed with water and often consumed in the Mexican countryside as a midmorning or midday meal.